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| I've found this version of "book of love" particularly great (especially the "think about it")
As I am in the midst of interview season, I realized that I will be able to meet nearly all of my highschool (and middle school  ) girl friends' significant others. It makes me a happy and a little melancholy at the same time. I remember a time back in highschool when my friends thought I would be the first to be married. Granted, none of us are married yet, so this could potentially still be true, but let's just say, it's quite unlikely. There is always a sense of excitement and apprehension when thinking into the future and the unknown and unpredictable. Plus, there was this article in the NY Times about marriage that made me think a lot about what it means to be married. It's kind of all over the place, but the bottom-line is how much introspection and understanding of each other does a couple need? Perhaps some things are better left alone. I think a few years ago, my mom was trying to tell me that marriage requires a lot more than love (though she seemed to also imply that marriage doesn't require love at all), but I think I only began to understand this recently. I spoke with a close friend recently about whether feeling head-over-heels in love was important. If you don't have that, does that mean, s/he's not "the one"? I've tended to go with that gut feeling when it comes to relationships. So far, I've been burned by that a few times but not heart-broken. Heartbreak tends to happen when the real world interferes with love. So I guess in the end, I'm a realist when it comes to love. That gut feeling has sort of taken a back seat. Is that growth or compromise? I feel like all of my journal entries are a permutation of this dilemma.
I'm going (hopefully) back to Taiwan in April to do a rotation at a hospital in Tainan. I'm pretty excited to talk to patients in Taiwanese. That's pretty much my #1 draw. ("Ah mah, li do wi tia?") It's going to be awesome. Is it sad that I feel like Jay Chou embodies Taiwan for me? I'm going to say 'yes.' Every time I hear him, I think of highschool and Taipei. I think of afterschool bus-rides, sharing headphones. I think of the hot summers with the sound of "tsan" clicking in the parks. I think of KTV, movies, nightmarkets, sleepovers. I think of yangmingshan and that koi pond where once the surface was covered in oil from the junk food that people decided to feed the fish. I think of zhong hsiao dong lu (road) on a cool breezy evening. I think of typhoons. Ok, a lot of that really had nothing to do with Jay. But I often get started on this tangent when I come across him on youtube. I contrast that with the grassy lawn of my uncle's giant house in southern California or the busy grimy streets of new york city or boston. Where do I want to end up?
Also, I miss my brother.
This was their one good song before Lara.
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| it's been quite an amazing month in Boston. i feel like medical school makes everything accelerated. i almost feel like an entirely different person in terms of ability to manage stress, my emotional state, and maybe even my knowledge base. unfortunately, i feel as lost as ever in terms of what i want to do with life/career/family. but since everything is running on this accelerated pace, maybe i'll figure it out in the next few months.
i'm very thankful for all the people who extend their kindness to me just because. it's really what makes the world great. and believe it or not, i feel thankful to have the privilege to practice medicine in the future. granted, there's a lot of b-ing and m-ing involved in the process, but when i step and think about it, i'm pretty lucky. and lastly, i'm thankful for my family.
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| i'm now at that stage in my life where i cry at all weddings.
as evidenced by the fact that i just teared up while watching the "office" wedding episode.
though i must say there is something about walking down the aisle and saying "i do" that is a much more spiritually gratifying moment than a traditional chinese style banquet.
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| So I was on-call with the internal medicine team (meaning we get newly admitted patients). The on-call medicine team responds to codes (cardiac arrests, loss of consciousness, etc.) around the hospital. I was about to discuss something with my resident when they announce the code, which turns out to be at the other end of the hospital campus. We drop everything and run. She runs faster than me the whole way. Then gets there and immediately proceeds to speak with the people already there. Meanwhile, I trail behind her at least 2 feet and arrive out of breath, barely able to speak. My resident is in her 3rd trimester of pregnancy. FML.
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| i'm so tired.
i watched "500 days of summer" this weekend. Joseph Gordon-Levitt has the million dollar smile. But other than that I think I felt sobered by "post-modern" love. Shouldn't one be more responsible with other people's hearts? Never really believed in fate to begin with...it's like glorified coincidences, but sometimes when you have a moment that you want never to end, you have to wonder whether there isn't something more special and less random. I think that was cryptic enough to not give away anything in the movie. If anything the music was amazing.
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